Bananas Mode On

When my first son was born, nothing – and I mean NOTHING – went like I pictured it in my pregnant daydreams. If you’re a mom, you probably get it: that whole “I won’t be one of those tired, burned-out, sweatpants-forever moms” fantasy we all secretly have.

Here’s the thing – I never programmed myself to think motherhood would be “hard” in some dramatic, doomed way. I knew it would be challenging, but I refused to walk into it expecting misery. And honestly? That mindset was the single best gift I gave myself.

Let me give you a real-life example of how we literally program ourselves. My friend Jackie had her baby a couple of months before me. The entire pregnancy I heard nothing but horror stories from her: how her life was going to be ruined, how she’d never sleep again, how she’d be crying nonstop and look like a total wreck. Guess what her first months actually looked like? Exactly what she kept predicting. And yes – she ended up with full-blown postpartum depression (way heavier than baby blues).

Of course hormones play a massive role in the postpartum period – no denying that. But as someone who’s deep into psychophysiology, I can tell you: even hormones are heavily influenced by our brain, our thoughts, and our mindset. There’s tons of scientific research backing this up. What we repeatedly tell ourselves shapes what we experience.

Now, back to my story… The first two weeks after a brutal delivery? Full-on baby blues. I was on another continent, far from my family, with zero close support (except my husband, who was working all day and trying to figure out his new dad role too). I cried – ugly, uncontrollable sobs – for two straight weeks. And why did NO ONE warn me that breastfeeding could hurt so bad your nipples literally bleed? Seriously.

I’ll never forget our first night home. The baby screamed the entire night (he was an angel in the hospital, of course). I barely slept. Finally passed out near dawn. Woke up and my very first thought was, “Maybe it was all a dream and there’s no baby.” I opened my eyes, saw him still there, and panic hit me like a truck. The guilt for even having that thought? Crushing. (Pro tip: don’t beat yourself up for thoughts like that – they’re normal.)

We put insane pressure on ourselves to be perfect parents right out of the gate. We expect to know exactly what to do, feel only pure joy, and have all the answers. But nobody hands you a manual for your newborn, your new body, your raging hormones, or your partner who’s going through their own transformation.

Then one day, the baby blues just… lifted. I looked at my tiny son and something clicked – like the love finally dropped from my exhausted brain straight into my heart. This is MY baby. I’m his entire world. No one on earth loves him more than I do. I will protect him, always. Boom. Everything shifted. I saw him differently. I felt different.

He started hitting milestones – first real smile, rolling over, grabbing toys – and I forced myself to stop, breathe, and soak it in. Because time flies brutally fast. These moments become memories, and the quality of those memories depends on how I choose to see them.

Is an hour-long nap routine torture… or the last time he’ll ever need me to rock him to sleep while he snuggles hard into my chest? (Because one day – and you never know when – it’ll be the final time. The next nap he might fall asleep on his own and not need you like that anymore.)

That mindset made my entire first year so much softer. It got easier every month. And honestly? We loved parenting so much that when our first was just over two, we decided to go for baby #2.

Was the second time around easier because I was now an “experienced mom”? HELL NO. 😂

Kid #2 was a completely different human. The challenges, the jealousy, the terrible threes, my struggle to bond the same way… that’s a whole wild story for the next post (spoiler: it was a total adventure).

If you’re in the thick of new motherhood right now and feeling like you’re failing – you’re not alone, and it gets so much better. Hang in there, mama.

P.S. I’m currently putting together a no-BS list of the things you actually need for your baby’s first year (spoiler: it’s way shorter than the stores want you to believe). And as someone who’s deep into physiology, I’ll also call out the stuff that’s straight-up harmful for a baby’s development – the things marketers love but science says “hard pass.” Link will be here as soon as it’s live.

As a mom who’s been through baby blues and as an immigrant far from family, I know firsthand how crucial support is in those first months of motherhood. You’re not meant to do this alone.

Here are a couple of resources that I wish I’d known about earlier – they can make this stage feel a little softer:

• National Maternal Mental Health Hotline – Free, 24/7 support for pregnant and postpartum moms. Call or text 1-833-943-5746 (1-833-9-HELP4MOMS). Available in English, Spanish, and with interpreters for 60+ languages.

• Postpartum Support International (PSI) – The biggest organization for perinatal mental health support. They have local chapters in almost every state with online and in-person support groups, coordinators, and a directory of specialists. Find your local help here: postpartum.net/get-help/locations/ or psichapters.com

If any of this helps even one mama out there, please let me know – I read every message. You’ve got this. You are NOT alone. 🖤